Your "problem" might just be your POWER!
I grew up in a household where emotions weren't expressed. Actually, anger was expressed at times, but softer emotions were practically non-existent. My parents didn't know how (or didn't have the patience) to validate my feelings, so anytime I tried to convey how I felt, I was dismissed. Consequently, I had trouble being vocal and I carried this into my adulthood.
Disclaimer: (I am not a mute lol! I am extremely talkative around people I know. I have an introvert personality.)
Early school life
I still remember the looks on my 1st grade teachers faces when my 6 year old self told them I wanted to be a novelist When I grew up. I would write tons of short stories, created my own little magazines, and I communicated best through writing notes.
Friends
I found myself unknowingly gravitating towards people who were carefree, opinionated and verbally expressive. I admired these characteristics. I was the "shy" friend. I felt most comfortable communicating with my friends through text.
Dating
As my dating life grew, I realized that my communication skills were toxic. I was extremely uncomfortable with confrontation because again, I felt like my feelings were trival. I would not confide in my partner if something bothered me. As a result, I would bottle it up until I inevitably exploded with anger, leaving my partner confused.
Family
I gave birth to my daughter when I was 19 years old. Prior to having her, I never thought about how growing up without experiencing healthy communication would affect me as a mother. My daughter is full of love, affection, questions and opinions, and she is not afraid to show it! To be completely honest, this made me feel super awkward 😂 I was caught off guard. That awkward feeling was a wake up call. I had to teach myself how to communicate, for myself and for my kid.
Then the shift in perspective happened.
This morning during my daily meditation, I had the most amazing enlightening moment! The message that came to me was
"There are many different ways of communication. Why do you belittle yourself just because you choose to express yourself through writing? You're a creative writer! Do you not see that this is an amazing gift? You can continue improving yourself vocally, but never forget that YOUR way of communicating is just as effective. You are changing lives through your written content. This has always been your dream!"
All this time my strength was disguised as my "weakness"!
I never feel pity for myself and my pet peeve is when people feel pity for me. I've always been fine with how I am, but we all have our secret insecurities and ways about us that we wouldn't mind changing. But, sometimes things aren't always what they seem. Take a good look at yourself. Who would you be without the labels that people unsolicitedly put on you? Or without the social programming? When you are able to acknowledge the real you, you'll realize that insecurities are illusions. There could be a blessing hidden in your "insecurity".
The way you were raised was not by mistake. Our parents teach us soul lessons, deliberately and unintentionally. Directly and indirectly. Pleasantly and painfully. It's up to us to "decode" these lessons. Changing your perspective about a story that you may have told yourself for years, could be the key to your freedom and the start of your inner peace. It can be a story about you, or someone else, but if it bothers you, review it and rewrite it!
I no longer see myself as "less of". I feel empowered. I feel significant. I feel like I gave myself permission to be myself.
I love my parents, deeply (rest in peace dad) and this blog is not to bash their parenting. Honestly, I honour them because rather they knew it or not, they helped create a beast.
Disclaimer: (I am not a mute lol! I am extremely talkative around people I know. I have an introvert personality.)
Early school life
I still remember the looks on my 1st grade teachers faces when my 6 year old self told them I wanted to be a novelist When I grew up. I would write tons of short stories, created my own little magazines, and I communicated best through writing notes.
Friends
I found myself unknowingly gravitating towards people who were carefree, opinionated and verbally expressive. I admired these characteristics. I was the "shy" friend. I felt most comfortable communicating with my friends through text.
Dating
As my dating life grew, I realized that my communication skills were toxic. I was extremely uncomfortable with confrontation because again, I felt like my feelings were trival. I would not confide in my partner if something bothered me. As a result, I would bottle it up until I inevitably exploded with anger, leaving my partner confused.
Family
I gave birth to my daughter when I was 19 years old. Prior to having her, I never thought about how growing up without experiencing healthy communication would affect me as a mother. My daughter is full of love, affection, questions and opinions, and she is not afraid to show it! To be completely honest, this made me feel super awkward 😂 I was caught off guard. That awkward feeling was a wake up call. I had to teach myself how to communicate, for myself and for my kid.
Then the shift in perspective happened.
This morning during my daily meditation, I had the most amazing enlightening moment! The message that came to me was
"There are many different ways of communication. Why do you belittle yourself just because you choose to express yourself through writing? You're a creative writer! Do you not see that this is an amazing gift? You can continue improving yourself vocally, but never forget that YOUR way of communicating is just as effective. You are changing lives through your written content. This has always been your dream!"
All this time my strength was disguised as my "weakness"!
I never feel pity for myself and my pet peeve is when people feel pity for me. I've always been fine with how I am, but we all have our secret insecurities and ways about us that we wouldn't mind changing. But, sometimes things aren't always what they seem. Take a good look at yourself. Who would you be without the labels that people unsolicitedly put on you? Or without the social programming? When you are able to acknowledge the real you, you'll realize that insecurities are illusions. There could be a blessing hidden in your "insecurity".
The way you were raised was not by mistake. Our parents teach us soul lessons, deliberately and unintentionally. Directly and indirectly. Pleasantly and painfully. It's up to us to "decode" these lessons. Changing your perspective about a story that you may have told yourself for years, could be the key to your freedom and the start of your inner peace. It can be a story about you, or someone else, but if it bothers you, review it and rewrite it!
I no longer see myself as "less of". I feel empowered. I feel significant. I feel like I gave myself permission to be myself.
I love my parents, deeply (rest in peace dad) and this blog is not to bash their parenting. Honestly, I honour them because rather they knew it or not, they helped create a beast.
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